At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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