So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
