i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
