My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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