The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
