If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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