My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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