dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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