You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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