in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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