I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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