I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize