Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
