I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
