the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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