I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She even gives head with a lisp.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
