Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
