I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize