I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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