I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
