I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
