i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize