that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
