i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
