i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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