I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
