You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
