You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
