In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
