I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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