so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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