Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
