I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
