He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
