sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
