i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
