Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize