Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
