i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
