I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
