Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
