I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
