it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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