Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My liver just broke up with me...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
