this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
