It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
