Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
