I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
