Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
