You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
