didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
