Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
