god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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