My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
