A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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