I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
