i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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