i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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