What did we do last night that was yellow?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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