I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
