just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize