im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
