So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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