oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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