I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
