Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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