I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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