his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
