so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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