Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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