WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
