where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
