I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
