Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
