I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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