I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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