I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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