no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
