I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize