In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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